


I Fall Apart

by comeheredarlingg



Category: The Outsiders (1983), The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22199749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comeheredarlingg/pseuds/comeheredarlingg
Summary: sylvia is through with dallas winston, but there are things she wishes she still had the chance to say
Relationships: Sylvia/Dallas Winston
Kudos: 6





	I Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> I just love the greaser girls and the book doesn't do them any justice so here's a quick drabble I wrote in like ten minutes and zero editing and yeah this is also based on a Post Malone song

Sylvia grew up quickly learning to never wear her emotions on her sleeve, anything she felt was hidden behind her calculating, brown eyes. Her sharp facial features stayed stone-cold and expressionless despite any situation she put herself in. Sylvia learned from her mama, to be more specific: what _not_ to be like from her mama. The woman was hooked on her pills and day drank her life away on the couch of their small run-down apartment. Her mama brought form so many men who thought he could fix the to of them when in reality the damage left by her real father was irreversible. She knew love was dangerous, destructive and once it gets a hold of you it'll never let go. Sylvia knew that she could not afford to play such a dangerous game, she held all the men she slept with at an arms distance, it was just purely physical pleasure. Until that is, she met Dallas Winston. _He_ was dangerous, cold and just like her. 

She did everything thing she did to cover up what she felt, yet the remainder of whatever was left of her heart still broke in pieces for Dallas. He never got the chance to see the way all the artificial walls she so desperately built to contain the intensity of her emotions broke down. The way her eyes swelled with tears, the way she struggled to hold them from spilling over, the way her chest stung from keeping it in, the way her breathing quickened, the way she gulped desperately for air when she cried, _the way he made her hurt_. 

Whenever he would leave her for a drunk girl he picked up at the bar, or whenever she watched the cops shove his dusty ass into the back of their car his wrists cuffed behind him with that stupid smirk permanently fixed to his face. She tried her hardest to act unbothered, annoyed by him, and it was convincing. Convincing enough for others to call her heartless, but deep inside she knew it was impossible to lie to herself. She wanted to convince herself she hated him, every fiber of her being should hate him, but deep down she knew just how dangerously attached she was to him. There were nights she would lay by his side watching his chest rise and fall and the peaceful look on his face where she wondered if they could make it through. The mornings came and the sun evaporated all the girlish, childish dreams she had for them.

There was a small pit in her stomach that night Dallas died, but she didn't give it much thought as she downed her fifth shot of whatever slosh Buck was calling whiskey. A boy from one of Tim's gang was whispering dirty promises to her ear and marking her neck but she knew deep inside this was meaningless he was just another lay. She noticed something off about the way Buck left his bar unattended and peeled off in his pickup truck. Slyvia perked up, she suddenly felt too sober for this as she pushed Mark or whatever he said his name was off of her. Time didn't seem real and the party around her seemed to exist in another world as Buck came back through the door with his jaw clenched harder than usual and his face pale and sick. Her blood ran cold and Sylvia feared the worse knowing tonight something was bound to go down.

Buck's words felt like they traveled through the water to reach her ears, the sounds felt distorted and slow as the blood rushing through her head made her feel dizzy. For the first time in years, Slyvia's mask cracked and she took a shaky breath before she realized she had been holding her breath in. It's amazing how everything she built up crumbled away in seconds and her eyes welled with tears that she couldn't hold back any longer. Dallas, the no good hood her mama always told her to stay away from. Dallas, the tough greaser who wasn't afraid of no soc. Dallas, the boy she wished would stop fighting the world so he could stop to see some good in it. Dallas, the boy who broke her heart, and this time there was no one left to fix it.


End file.
